"Thanks for calling Alarm Security Technical Support, my name is Jonathan. Can I please get the home telephone number on your account?" (Articulate if early in shift, mumble at 4 times normal speed by close).
"Yes it's 555-555-5555"
"For a Mr. Johnson?"
"Uh, yes, this is Marie Johnson."
".... ......... perfect so can I can your verbal password Mrs. Johnson?"
"It's 'Jesus.'"
"Great, what can I do for ya today?"
"I have had it with you and your system! This **** thing has been giving me trouble all morning! I pay monthly you know! I pay on time, every month for a security system to work and protect my family. If you cant get this working immediately so help me I will take my business elsewhere and I will report you and your company as a bunch of greedy liars!"
"Im sorry to hear the system is giving trouble, may I ask what it's doing?"
"The **** thing wont stop beeping!!!!"
~~~~~~~ BEEEEEEEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEP~~~~~~
"See you hear that! ALL. MORNING!"
"Yes I actually did hear that. That's certainly no fun to wake up to!"
"**** Straight!"
"Well now, I hate to tell you, but that beeping isn't actually our panel."
"Sir, I don't think you are listening to me. I can hear a beep coming from my security alarm panel, my security alarm PANEL! It is right next to me, I've been hearing this since 4:00 AM sir!"
"Oh well that's awfully early to be woken up by these obnoxious beeps! But I assure you... it isn't actually our panel. But I think I may know the problem."
"IT. IS. THE. PANEL. SIR."
"Have you checked your fire detector batteries lately?"
"............................ ...................... well I'll be.......... I think you just might be right......"
(mutes phone, "uh, hello, im the all-knowing tech agent, never question.")
~~~~~~~~~~BEEP BEEEEEEEEP BEEP~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Well bless my lucky stars it IS my smoke alarm. Well I'll be darned."
"Oh no problem at all! Common mistake." (mute, laughs, rolls eyes and shakes head.)
"Oh, well, now I am SO sorry to bother you this morning! I guess my system is fine then?"
"Absolutely mam."
"Well bless your heart. Thank you dearly for figuring that mess out darlin." You have a blessed day now!"
"Oh I will. You do the same Marie."
"Alright then babye."
(click)
(Turns to neighbor) "Another smoke detector battery."
Neighbor: (Smiles) "Idiots."
Haaaaaa!! That is so funny!! I do feel for you as you are the one that is abused by the customers. However, may it continue so we can continue to be entertained by your stories!!
ReplyDeleteThe company is lucky to have such patient customer service reps!! I think you should get a raise...